From Strangers on a Train to Strangers on a Prayer Chain

An Unconventional Challenge in the Spirit of St. Monica’s Mission

All of us know someone who has turned away from God. Many of them have let their lives slip precariously into destructive habits or toxic relationships. Others have gradually drifted into materialistic and selfish ways of life that fully disregard Our Lord’s teaching and salvation. It’s a heartbreak that we all share. 

When someone you love has walked away from the Catholic faith, you probably already know what it is like to pray that person’s name over and over again in a roller coaster ride of different emotional pleas for help from Our Lord.

“Come back!” “Please God, heal them!” “Go to Confession!” “Please come with me to Mass?” “Why won’t you stop being angry?” “Call me. Please.”  “Lord, do SOMETHING!”

We feel obligated to pray for our loved one’s soul and eternal salvation. We offer rosaries, masses, and hours of tears, telling God that we are begging him for our loved one’s spiritual needs and best interests. And we are. We want that son, daughter, husband, wife, mother, father, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, or dear friend to know Jesus Christ, receive his mercy, return to the sacraments, and live in the peace of God.

But if we are honest, we usually want something else too.

We want relief and healing for our OWN pain and loss.

How much easier would my life be if my son were a peaceful, practicing Catholic? How much happier would Christmas be if my daughter came to Mass without an argument? How much less lonely would marriage feel if my spouse shared my faith? How much more peaceful would the family group text be if my brother stopped treating every mention of the Church as the opening bell of a boxing match, throwing out snide remarks left and right?

Of course I want my loved one’s salvation. I would also enjoy ONE THANKSGIVING DINNER without a religious crisis.

It’s okay to be honest about that part. God isn’t going to be surprised, and he cares very deeply about our pain. The Good Shepherd who longs to restore his lost sheep to the life of the Gospel in the Church also invites us to cast all our cares upon him in prayer.

The fact that we have our own needs for a restored and healed relationship does not mean that our prayer for their salvation is false. We miss the person who is absent. We are genuinely frightened for their souls. We need peace too. But sometimes our own needs can become tangled in our intercessory prayer until we are not only asking God to save someone, but also handing God a detailed script for making that person easier for US to live with.

Lord, convert him—and please make him apologize in exactly the way I have rehearsed in my head.

So, how can we keep the prayers going up to heaven for our loved ones without letting our own self-serving motives get in the way?

Alfred Hitchcock’s thriller movie from 1951 holds the clue: Strangers on a Train.

In Strangers on a Train, famous tennis star Guy Haines gets the surprise of his life when he is approached by Bruno Antony, a man he has never met before, while they are traveling by train. Bruno turns out to be a psychopath who wants to take advantage of Guy’s well-known bad marriage problems that have been reported in all the newspapers to solve his own desire to get rid of his own detested wife. Bruno suggests a dastardly plan: they should make a swap. Trade the burdens of dealing with each other’s wives. Murder traded for murder. It would be the perfect crime, because the police would never suspect Bruno was the murderer of Guy’s wife, or Guy the murderer of Bruno’s.

As we come together with our shared burdens in St. Monica’s Mission, we can take inspiration from Bruno’s crazy idea…. But without the murder part.

That is where St. Monica’s Mission presents a new spiritual challenge:

LET SOMEONE ELSE PRAY FOR YOUR PRODIGAL.

No, we are not going to let the prayers stop. We are going to trade prayer intentions.

St. Monica’s Mission brings together faithful Catholics who are carrying the grief of someone dear to them who is far from the faith. Each member makes a commitment with a prayer partner. You entrust your loved one to your partner’s daily prayers, and your partner entrusts a beloved prodigal to you.

Then you pray faithfully for someone you may never have met. And you can pray in a clearer, less burdened way.

You do not know what this stranger’s son said at Christmas. You do not know what her sister posted online. You do not know what his wife did, what wounds she carries, or what apology the family believes it is owed. You won’t be tempted to pray for the prodigal to become more convenient for YOU, because this prodigal is not directly part of your life.

You are simply praying for a soul.

In this way, you are more free to ask Jesus to reveal himself, heal what is wounded, break the power of sin, remove obstacles to faith, awaken the grace of Baptism, lead this person to repentance, and bring this beloved child of God home to the sacraments. You will be praying without trying to manage the reunion, win the argument, repair your own reputation, or secure a more pleasant Christmas.

We are taking a cue from Alfred Hitchcock’s Strangers on a Train—except we are not trading murders.

We are trading MERCIES.

This is the Catholic version. Everybody gets prayers for abundant life in the Gospel. To be delivered from death!

Meanwhile, another faithful Catholic is carrying your loved one’s name before God. Letting go of your personal motives does not mean you are abandoning your son or forgetting your sister. Let the Holy Spirit give you the courage to trust that the Body of Christ is more powerful in prayer than your private grief. You are allowing another member of that Body to bear your burden while you bear theirs: “Bear one another’s burdens, and so you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2).

Along the way, we may discover that we have been treating anxiety as if it were the fuel that keeps our prayers on an endless repeat loop with little vision for God’s miracles. We may feel guilty at first when we stop repeating the same desperate requests. We may secretly believe on some emotional level that if WE do not carry every detail, God will overlook something.

God loves your prodigal more than you do, and he understands the wounds you cannot see. Your prayer partner is standing strong with you in your pain, and you do the same for them. Together, you are learning that intercession belongs to the whole Church.

St. Monica understood long prayer, painful waiting, and tears that for years seemed to accomplish nothing. But Monica did not convert Augustine. The Holy Spirit was at work in his soul. Her task was to love, pray, persevere, seek the help of the Church, and remain faithful while grace worked in ways she could not control. And we now seek to do the same with the help of her intercession.

St. Monica’s Mission is an opportunity to support one another in faith and deepen our own love for God and his Church. We can’t offer a magic formula or a guaranteed timetable for any loved one’s salvation. We strive to be a true spiritual fellowship, looking forward to the conversion of our prodigals who have stopped attending Mass. It is a parish-based program of prayer, formation, and service. Members learn to bring grief, guilt, blame, fear, and wounded relationships before the Lord. We deepen our own life with Jesus and the sacraments. We prepare ourselves and our parish communities to welcome people who take even the smallest step home—especially returning Catholics and young, single adults who may wonder whether there is really a place for them.

Because if we are praying for the lost sheep to return, we should also help make the sheepfold look like HOME.

So here is the challenge:

• Can you entrust the name of your beloved prodigal to a faithful prayer partner?
• Can you receive the name of someone else’s beloved and pray every day for that person’s salvation and healing?
• Can you surrender your private script, allow another Catholic to carry your burden, and ask God to purify your own love while he works in both families?

If you can, St. Monica’s Mission is asking you to begin.

PRAY. PREPARE. WELCOME HOME